I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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