I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
