I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
