You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
