Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
