Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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