Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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