My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
