There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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