Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
