Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
