Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
