That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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