Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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