i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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