I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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