dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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