If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
