my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
