Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
