He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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