did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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