i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
