He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
