hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
