do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
