stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
