Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
