That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
