He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
