You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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