Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
