Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
