Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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