Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
