My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
