I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
