hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
