and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
