nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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