I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
