True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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