I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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