At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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