Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
