I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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