She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
