I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
