anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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