If that was your dad, he is hot
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
