The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
