so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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