He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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