The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
